Out of the Light

If there were a quick way to break through this depression, I would love to know it.   I feel hollow, sleezy, stupid, achy, sad… but I can’t seem to cry anymore.

I want to know how he is faring… how bad it is for him, to share in that pain too.   I stare at my phone, hoping maybe…. but nothing.  I want him to know, if he should call, I will answer.

I hope something good comes of this … I couldn’t see the purpose of us meeting in the first place, how it had hit me like a ton of bricks, and how easy it was.  There is a reason for everything… just wish I knew what it was.

[may be I should be taking some kind of little pill to ease this]

Broken Man

A man broken, lost his career, his dreams dashed.  Diabetic complications… and alas the wife of nearly 30 years won’t touch him as a man.  Handsome, clean, loving, respectful, dedicated, caring, smart, and responsible.

What would make him follow his heart?  What if there appeared another woman, who was kind to him, funny, loving, caring, and actually Liked him?  Even intimate… in a texting kind of way?

Hmmm. Gee… you might expect this man to let a little love in that he didn’t think possible.   You might even expect him to become hopeful… that after all these many years … after being so good, so Christian, so loyal….

Would you say he was wrong to want this?

Terry Melim Sadness blog

Texting is the root of all evils…

He started it… but he got caught… it figures.

{sigh}

I have not felt like this since I was 16… alone, heart broken, scared for you, so horrible.  I should have seen that they were waiting for that perfect moment to find the proof…

god…. i will never, can never, get you out of my head.

I imagine with time …. but something happened to me and I cannot bear my days nor my nights now, without you.

I am trying to fill the gaps with happy things, but these are few and far between.  Days in the dungeon, nights alone… no drive nor motivation for being in places where I could reach out to you.

I did not foresee this, nor could I expect to miss something so much that I never ever had to begin with….

I feel so stupid, so horrible, I honestly could just crawl up and never need to see the light of day again.

I find myself wondering what you are doing, how you are coping, wanting to be there for you, needing to be there for you, hoping that someday, I will be able to peel back the layers that somehow you broke through again.  I don’t see it happening.  I opened up my soul to you… I can’t imagine taking that risk again.

My mountain man… if there were a more perfect man for me, i will not know it.  Good bye mountain man

Maybe in the next life  I will find you again.